“Dance rests on the beats of silence.” – Francisco Hidalgo
In one of the over 60 different flamenco styles, there's a moment we call silencio – the silence. It's a slowing down of the pace, a moment of stillness and introspection in the dance.
Oscillation is what makes a performance interesting and sustainable. The contrast between passion and depth, activity and pause. The silencio — a moment charged with potential energy, a deep breath before the next storm of passion and creativity.
Transformation and leadership need their own "silencio" moments.
They're those pauses before the pivot, those instances when we pull back and resist the urge to fill the air with words or actions. In that space, the weight of what was said can sink in. We can absorb and learn, deepening our mastery in something new. And just like in flamenco, these moments of silence can also be uncomfortable (“where is this going?”, “is it having any impact?”), but they are more than just empty space – they're the fertile soil for the seeds of creativity to take root, and swirl up and out.
The Discomfort of Silence
Silence can be uncomfortable. I notice how automatically I reach for my phone every time there is a slow moment in my day, waiting for the elevator or my cab to arrive. It’s not just the ubiquity of devices and information, it’s also the conditioning in the world of business to be productive at all times. Doing nothing is not an option.
I remember a funny episode as a young professional- back in the day when there were cubicles. Mine had a wall facing the halfway, and part of it was made of glass to let some light in. I would write inspirational quotes on that wall every couple of days, not only as mindfulness reminders to myself every time I returned to my desk, but to spark conversation with passersby. One day, I wrote a zen quote:
“Sitting quietly, doing nothing,
Spring comes, and the grass grows, by itself.”
When my manager walked by my cubicle, he stopped and peeked inside: “Ah, so you’re a slacker, I knew it!”, he said, jokingly, but in a tone of voice that was coated ever-so-lightly with the veneer of a warning.
Corporate leaders abhor a vacuum as much as nature does. We often feel pressured to fill the void with answers even when we don’t know have them, to always be "on," to fill every silence with “clarity” and “direction”.
But, embracing silence and sitting with discomfort could be one of the most powerful tools you ever use as a leader.
One of the most valuable leadership lessons I learned came from simply observing people. Often when I come in to coach a team that's been working together for a while, I simply sit on the sidelines and watch them interact. I've noticed something fascinating: after twenty minutes, if I still can't tell who the leader is, that's a sign of an excellent team. It means the leader has created space for others to step forward, to challenge each other, and to share their ideas freely. It means that leadership is not a job, but a role that we all take turns playing, depending on our strengths and the situation at hand.
As I often say now, "Leadership is what happens behind your back." When you’re not around and still people freely challenging each other, making quality decisions and taking action without needing your constant input, that's when you know you've truly succeeded as a leader.
Try this: cancel all your 1:1s in the next two weeks, and see what happens. If the world crashes (or if you’re confident it will even before you try this), that’s telling you something important about your leadership style and motivation. If no-one reaches out to you, that tells you something as well, maybe they don’t need you, or maybe they’re drowning in so much work that they don’t have time to check in. You can discover a lot with this very simple practice.
The Benefits of Uncomfortable Silence
One of my favorite things to do with people I love is to sit with them in silence. In the car, on a drive somewhere. At home, while each person is doing their thing in the same room. While taking a walk together. Once you’re past the discomfort of the emptiness, there is a wonderful reward: a deeply felt togetherness. A comforting and easy companionship.
I believe that if we made more space in organizations for silence, we would get better ideas and better collaboration. I participate in many meetings where there’s incessant talking, one person hasn’t finished their thought and already someone is sitting at the edge of their chair dying to get their opinion out. I do that often myself, and it takes real self-discipline sometimes to just sit back, listen and absorb.
But there are many benefits of embracing silence and sitting with the discomfort it brings:
It scales your leadership: When leaders step back, we create room for others to step forward.
It promotes deeper thinking: Silence gives people time to process, reflect, and formulate thoughtful responses rather than just knee-jerk reactions.
It builds resilience: Learning to sit with discomfort helps us and our teams develop greater emotional resilience in the face of enduring challenges.
It leads to better decisions: By not rushing to fill silence with the first solution that comes to mind, we often arrive at more creative, considered decisions.
It enhances self-awareness: Sitting with our discomfort allows us to examine our reactions and biases more closely. It can also be a healthy dose of humility for our ego to recognize how we’re just another ordinary human being: life goes on even when we step back, pause, or stay silent.
Practicing Silence as a Leader
So how can we cultivate this unusual skill? Here are a few practices I've found helpful:
Count to ten: When you feel the urge to break a silence, try counting slowly to ten in your head first. It's simple, but effective.
Embrace the "I don't know": Practice saying "I don't have an answer right now, let's sit with this question for a while…" instead of rushing to provide solutions.
Practice mindfulness: Regular mindfulness practice can help you become more comfortable with silence and your own thoughts.
Use silence intentionally in meetings: Try starting meetings with three deep breaths, or intentionally pausing after receiving someone’s question to allow for deeper reflection.
Seek feedback: Ask your team how they experience your use of silence. You might be surprised by what you learn.
The Rhythm Between The Beats
Discomfort is not our enemy, it's often a sign that we're growing, learning, or approaching something important. Like a challenging dance step, it might feel awkward at first, but with dedicated practice, it becomes a natural part of your leadership.
Poet and playwright Federico Garcia Lorca wrote: "El duende no llega si no ve posibilidad de muerte".
The duende is what in flamenco we call spirit, or an experience of rapture or flow that can mysteriously arise when artists surrender to the art.
Roughly translated: "Spirit does not come if it doesn't see the possibility of death.”
In other words, true inspiration and breakthrough only come when we're willing to risk, to be vulnerable, to risk the discomfort of not knowing what comes next, and surrender to the moment.
As a leader, how can you incorporate more "silencio" moments in your leadership dance? How can you embrace the discomfort of not knowing as a tool for growth and innovation?
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